The finale-So prepare for
the chance of a lifetime, a shinning era is tiptoeing nearer
Wow-sorry I haven’t updated in a
while, things got a little crazy with finals and the wrapping up with the
semester. Finals were okay, it’s so completely difficult to judge how I did on
them but we will see. I’m just hoping to get our grades before I graduate… But
besides that, not too much else has happened or been exciting. Gabe and I went to Zanzibar for a few days,
which was nice but it rained a lot which ruined the whole
lets-get-really-tan-before-we-go-back-to-the-states idea. But there isn’t too
much to be done about that. Everyone is gone now except Emily and Linda, so
were naturally going to the beach tomorrow, and that’s about all that I have
left on the schedule.
Today was a great day and exactly
how I wanted to spend one of my last days. Last night we went to the George and
Dragon, which is an English pub that had wonderful fish and chips, as a goodbye
dinner. That was a good way to say goodbye to a few friends, and then today
they left leaving me basically alone for the first time since getting here
(luckily Emily is still here or it would get old pretty fast). So today I went
to mwenge and bought the rest of everyone’s gifts, I have so much crap to bring
back! So after meandering along for a few hours I got on a dala, not really
paying attention. For the first time since being in Dar I of course got on the
wrong bus and went the opposite way into town. So I just decided to go with it,
eventually getting off and bought maize from a street vender (also a first
which is a shame because it has actually grown on me a lot). I eventually got
home and slept, but the whole day felt like exactly what I should be doing
while in Tanzania for only TWO more days!
I leave on Friday, which feels
impossible, strange, scary, and exciting all at the same time. At times like
this it is impossible to not reflect, and my apologies if this gets a little
too retreat reflection (thank you living in Loyola). For the most part I could
not have asked for a better experience. I feel that studying here has changed
me in so many ways; the real test will be to see how much that will hold true
when I am back in all the old familiar places. I am so grateful for the
experiences I have had, I am so lucky to have been able to do such much. Even
more than that I am grateful for the people I have met, they have made this
experience everything that it was. Especially for me, I have never lived this
long without close friends or family in a strange place, but I would say it
turned out pretty okay and being a triplet wasn’t so bad either ;)
I think the most important lesson for
me has been the ability to relax. As a historically uptight, have to be
involved in everything and always running around type of person, it was the
strangest thing to literally not have ANYTHING to do. And more than that, to
realize that I don’t have much control over many of the events of this semester
and that most things will not be working on my schedule. Having the ability to
recognize this, and then be okay with it has really been a shift in attitude
for me and one that is necessary for living in Tanzania. I also think that I have
grown a lot in my ability to survive on my own. Although my parents encouraged
traveling a lot and did everything they could to get me out of NH (thank god!),
I am still someone that still hasn’t ‘done’ Europe or really done much global
traveling, and none of it alone. Africa was ambitious and not most people’s
first choice, but you figure out how to survive. Although it took me a long
time to be truly comfortable, I think a lot of it has to do with having the
ability to still be yourself. For me, living back with a family that I had to
be somewhat responsible to, coupled with the inability to travel much by myself
and the immense attention that being a female mzungu draws made it feel that my
independence and identity that been snatched from me. In reality I was not as
restricted as I first believed, but the important part was that I started
running again. Not for long distances and really slowly, but it reminded me of
who I was, which in turn allowed me to receive every experience in such a
better place. I think that it’s an invaluable lesson, and one that I will definitely
keep in mind for the future. Also, studying here has made me want to see and do
so much and travel everywhere, and whereas that drive always existed I actually
believe that I will do it now.
I think I have also experienced so
much more in terms of racial and gender inequalities. Coming from
overwhelmingly white areas has never allowed me to see how it really can be
such a factor. (It was always strange and funny when a baby would burst out
crying on the dala because they were scared of our skin color) White privilege
is a palpable reality here, as is an Indian elite business class which we were
fortunate to get a taste of as well. Even though Dar is definitely one of the
better African cities and has made strides in development, there is still a
long way to go and I saw poverty like I never really had before. Also, I have never seen the utter inefficiencies
of so many public offices, including the police force. Mob justice is something
I have only studied at school, and I was lucky enough to not really experience
it.
So in sum, it has been wonderful
and terrific and as cliché as that sounds one of the best times of my life.
Five months flew by, just as everyone said they would and despite those long
sweaty sun burnt, mosquito-bitten nights we survived and I think became a
better person for it. However, it is time to leave, and I am so excited to be
going back home. This summer is going to be great, and I am living at school
because I am interning with Save the Children and doing research with the
International Studies Department. It is going to be awesome, and now I can
always carry with me what I learned here.
In the middle of the night, I go
walking in my sleep, from the mountains of fame to the river so deep, I must be
looking for something, something sacred I lost, but the river is wide, and it’s
too hard to cross. Even though I know the river is wide I walk every evening
and stand on the shore, I try to cross onto the opposite side so I can finally
find what I’ve been looking for…We all end in the ocean, we all start in the
stream, and were all carried along by the river of dreams, in the middle of the
night.
Much love,
Beebs